5/10/2004
Dah duh dah. Dah duh dah.
I'm Ricky Gervais' pimp.
I've just finished the second season of "The Office" and I must say that it's giving Sports Night a run for it's money. Sports Night has the better writing, no doubt. But The Office is funnier and well, it has Ricky Gervais. And Martin Freeman, who you may know from Love Actually as the male porno stand-in. Anyway, you need to watch this show. Your life is incomplete if you die having not watched Ricky Gervais do a horrible dance for a good cause. You just haven't.
Here are some choice quotes in an attempt to entice you. Keep in mind that the delivery really is the key. None of the characters is trying to be funny. In fact, they have no idea how funny they are. They're quite sincere when they speak, and are unaware that they're being racist, sexist, or just generally making no sense at all.
[a pornographic picture with David's head superimposed on a woman is discovered on someone's email]
David Brent: Who else has seen this filth?
[everyone puts their hand up, including Joan the cleaning lady]
David Brent: You haven't even got email, Joan.
Joan: Someone printed it out for me.
David Brent: Who printed this out for Joan?
[everyone puts their hand up again]
David Brent: Well. I'm angry. And not because I'm in it, but because it degrades women, which I hate. And the culprit, whoever he is, is in this room. Or she, it could be a woman. Women are as filthy as men. Not naming any names - I don't know any - but women... are... dirty.
Gareth Keenan: We go there every Wednesday night, and it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating right, especially for a soldier. And it's irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You've been under attack for days, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in, 'who's used all the penicillin?' 'Oh, Mark Paxon sir, he's got knobrot off some tart'
David Brent: There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go 'ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.
David Brent: The reason I put "If it's in you, I'll find it" is, if I waste good time and money looking for it, and see it's definitely not in you, I don't wanna be sued 'cos you haven't got it, so, you know, not gonna get me on that.
David Brent: You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake, you rest a couple of years and you're dead. And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is 'Did I enjoy it? What did I learn? What was the point?' That's where I come in. You've seen how I react to people, make them feel good, make them think that anything's possible. If I make them laugh along the way, sue me. And I don't do it so they turn round and go 'Thankyou David for the opportunity, thankyou for the wisdom, thankyou for the laughs.' I do it so, one day, someone will go 'There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him.'
David Brent: If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain - do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
Gareth Keenan: In this room I have special...
Tim: ...needs?
Gareth Keenan: No, I am a special...
Tim: ...needs child?
Gareth Keenan: No. And that's not even funny.
Here are some choice quotes in an attempt to entice you. Keep in mind that the delivery really is the key. None of the characters is trying to be funny. In fact, they have no idea how funny they are. They're quite sincere when they speak, and are unaware that they're being racist, sexist, or just generally making no sense at all.
[a pornographic picture with David's head superimposed on a woman is discovered on someone's email]
David Brent: Who else has seen this filth?
[everyone puts their hand up, including Joan the cleaning lady]
David Brent: You haven't even got email, Joan.
Joan: Someone printed it out for me.
David Brent: Who printed this out for Joan?
[everyone puts their hand up again]
David Brent: Well. I'm angry. And not because I'm in it, but because it degrades women, which I hate. And the culprit, whoever he is, is in this room. Or she, it could be a woman. Women are as filthy as men. Not naming any names - I don't know any - but women... are... dirty.
Gareth Keenan: We go there every Wednesday night, and it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating right, especially for a soldier. And it's irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You've been under attack for days, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in, 'who's used all the penicillin?' 'Oh, Mark Paxon sir, he's got knobrot off some tart'
David Brent: There are limits to my comedy. There are things that I'll never laugh at. The handicapped. Because there's nothing funny about them. Or any deformity. It's like when you see someone look at a little handicapped and go 'ooh, look at him, he's not able-bodied. I am, I'm prejudiced.' Yeah, well, at least the little handicapped fella is able-minded. Unless he's not, it's difficult to tell with the wheelchair ones.
David Brent: The reason I put "If it's in you, I'll find it" is, if I waste good time and money looking for it, and see it's definitely not in you, I don't wanna be sued 'cos you haven't got it, so, you know, not gonna get me on that.
David Brent: You grow up, you work half a century, you get a golden handshake, you rest a couple of years and you're dead. And the only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is 'Did I enjoy it? What did I learn? What was the point?' That's where I come in. You've seen how I react to people, make them feel good, make them think that anything's possible. If I make them laugh along the way, sue me. And I don't do it so they turn round and go 'Thankyou David for the opportunity, thankyou for the wisdom, thankyou for the laughs.' I do it so, one day, someone will go 'There goes David Brent. I must remember to thank him.'
David Brent: If you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain - do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she's just a big pair of tits.
Gareth Keenan: In this room I have special...
Tim: ...needs?
Gareth Keenan: No, I am a special...
Tim: ...needs child?
Gareth Keenan: No. And that's not even funny.
